dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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