Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
