sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm too high and old for this...
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
