So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
