I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
