Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
