ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
This is the prime rib incident all over again
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
