I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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