which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
