Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
