Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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