dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
