She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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