lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
