He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
