I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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