I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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