I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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