i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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