1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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