I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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