You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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