Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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