Say something about gay babies.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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