the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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