By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
