you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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