if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
