I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
