Well douche your snatch and let's go!
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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