Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
