WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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