If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
