i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
