So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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