remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
