yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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