Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
