No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
