I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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