You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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