Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
