she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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