So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
