seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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