It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
