The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
