I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
