You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
