So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I could fuck to npr.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
