as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
