When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
