come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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