I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i now understand why vodka
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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